Need to de-stress? Are you in distress? Or in this dress? No matter why you need a laugh, read on.
Below are some of the amusing things we've put into our newsletters and other materials.. Read them when life hits you; then have a laugh and hit it right back.
Arlyn Reid's World-Famous Newsletters
Motivational Stuff
The Chinese ideogram for “crisis” contains symbols for both “danger” and “opportunity”
“The greatest crime in the world is not developing your potential. When you do what you do best, you are helping not only yourself, but the world.” - Roger Williams
“Opportunities multiply as they are seized.” - Sun Tzu
“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” - Muhammad Ali
“Life is to be lived. If you have to support yourself, you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting.” - Katharine Hepburn
“The greatest waste in the world is the difference between what we are and what we could become.” - Ben Herbster
“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” - Unknown
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby
“Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein” – H. Jackson Brown
“The only difference between a rich person and poor person is how they use their time” – Robert Kiyosaki
“I spent an awful lot of my life waiting for my life to start. If I had that part of my life over again, I would live those years knowing that's it, time passes, and you are what you are, you do what you do.” - Roger Waters
“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot” – Michael Althsuler
Humourous Quotations
“I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.” - Terry Pratchett
“Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human-like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family...” - Berke Breathed
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett
Calvin: "I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius."
Hobbes: "What's misunderstood about you?"
Calvin: "Nobody thinks I'm a genius."
- Bill Watterson
Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact. - Terry Pratchett
More satisfied clients? Well, maybe not, but we could have helped them had they come to us.
“They found my husband an intern that I could approve of.” - Hillary Clinton
“Curse those people at Arlyn Reid!” - Bill Clinton
“One day I was talking to Laura Reid and said ‘I can’t get no satisfaction’. She told me that I can’t always get what I want, but if I try sometimes I might find I get what I need. Then I had some new ideas for songs.” - Mick Jagger
“Brilliant direction, excellent casting. Two thumbs way up!” - Roger Ebert
“They found me a new team to work with during the strike.” - Marc Crawford
“Edwards and I should have gone to Arlyn Reid when we were considering career changes.” - John Kerry
“I now say ‘go to Arlyn Reid’ instead of ‘you’re fired’.” - Donald Trump
“Thanks to their mediation expertise, I am getting along with everybody now.” - Rush Limbaugh.
“I decided to look after my own career rather than consult some professionals. Now I’m in charge of the Fry Station and in a few years will be a Crew Trainer.” - R. McDonald
What kind of lawyer do you want to be?
What made you get into law?
a) I want to save the world.
b) I want to see the world.
c) I want to rule the world.
What do you see as a worthy cause?
a) Saving whales.
b) Capturing whales.
c) Owning Wales. And Scotland.
How do you want to spend your day as a lawyer?
a) Helping people.
b) Suing people.
c) What are people?
What are your aspirations in law?
a) I want to close mines.
b) I want to open mines.
c) I want everything to be mine.
When I see injustice...
a) I make it my business to put it right.
b) I see if I can be of help in some way.
c) I hope nobody traces it back to me.
What two names best uphold the law?
a) Mason and McBeal.
b) Cochrane and Shapiro.
c) Smith and Wesson.
Now write down your score on a sheet of paper, crumple it up and throw it away. You'll be glad you did.
How To Deal With Stress
If you find yourself wanting to scream “AAARRGHGH!!!! – There are just too many things to do in a day!!”, and before the juggling act completely breaks down and you start dropping balls, remember the following can help with managing your stress:
Relaxation: Start by thinking positively and trying to relax yourself physically, either through more formal means of yoga classes or just by learning to do deep breathing. By relaxing your physical tension, your mind tends to be more relaxed. Continue with positive thinking to contribute to a better state of mind in order to view your task as a positive challenge.
Looking after yourself: Rather than always considering everyone else’s needs, remember to give yourself some “me” time in which you choose to do whatever gives you pleasure – play squash with a friend, take a long bath, read a book that is purely for interest (as opposed to what you “should” read). Although it seems obvious, eating well is something that people just don’t find the time to do if they are under time pressures. Try to exercise and sleep well.
Confronting the problem: Don’t procrastinate. By not dealing with an issue, you can make it more difficult than it is – try to break the issue down into manageable parts. Learn to say “NO” to people who may want to add to your obligations.
Find some distractions: It is necessary at times, just to take a mental break. Even if you don’t think you have the time, spend a short period doing a hobby or something physical. Physical activities such as cycling, swimming (or even a walk around the block!) will release endorphins which will decrease your stress levels.
Express yourself: Venting is not “whining”, and is useful to release emotional tension. Support from family members and friends can be helpful – people who will understand your need to vent - or just use a journal to express your feelings.
- Diane Cronk, HR Advisor, Arlyn Reid